Bob Olson had a bunch of things in his classroom that made him the cool teacher – from animals and reptiles we had to take care of as part of class, to shelves and shelves of paperback books. Mr. Olson had this theory that if you gave kids who wanted to be adults, books that were aimed at adults (though safe for kids); they would read them to feel older and more sophisticated. “I'm not reading kid's books, I'm reading grown up books.” His “adult books” were also genre books – science fiction and private eyes and spies and fun stuff. I don't know what he had for the girls – I didn't read any of those books – but I imagine he had romance and adventure and gothic thrillers like “The Spiral Staircase” (which was actually called something else). Fun stuff. Bob Olson introduced me to Doc Savage and Perry Mason and Donald Lamm & Bertha Cool and Isaac Asimov and Edgar Rice Burroughs and many others. And because these books were adventures – and not educational in any way – I read shelves of them. Mr. Olson required that you read a certain number of books during the year, but you could get extra credit for reading more. I had a ton of extra credit.
Edgar Rice Burroughs appealed to my imagination – Tarzan was okay, but the novels that took place in weird worlds like Pellucidar and Barsoom and Venus and that World That Time Forgot transported me from my crappy blue collar life to some amazing world. Bob Olson's bookshelves changed my life. Made my life bearable. And probably made me a short story writer and novel writer and screenwriter.
The Burroughs Mars novels are probably responsible for most of the sci-fi fantasy today. There would be no STAR WARS without them – and Jaba The Hutt's flying boat is right from Burroughs. Also, CONAN THE BARBARIAN and every sword and sorcery novel comes from Burroughs. Burroughs stuck a bunch of stuff together that had never been in the same story before and created a genre. Now that they are finally bringing one of his Mars novels to the screen, I thought it would be cool to re-read them and see if they still held up. This is tricky because the stuff that a 12 or 13 year old boy likes may not be what a dude with some gray in his hair likes. The language and storytelling that a kid likes may be just awful when you are an adult. So I expected to read the novels and just kind of think they're good kid's books.
Except that's not what happened. Though I have only read the first three books in the series so far, and I'm only going to talk about the first book, PRINCESS OF MARS, because that's the one the movie is based on – all three have been fun and exciting reads. The old version of me likes them just as much as the young version did. Burroughs could *write*. Though some of the things are a little dated, I looked past those elements and just got caught up in the wild-ass adventure.
The books are this weird combination of western and swashbuckler and gladiator story and alien world travelogue. John Carter is a Civil War veteran out West to make his fortune who is attacked by Indians, hides in a cave – wounded – and goes into a coma... waking up on Mars! Teleportation. On Mars there are two main races (others pop up in later novels) – the Red Martians who are humanoid and have kingdoms, and the Green Martians who have an extra set of arms and are much taller than humans and are savage warriors who do not know love or compassion – kind of the Apaches from western pulp novels, only weird. Carter is captured by the Greens, but in trying to escape discovers that the difference in gravity allows him to jump like a danged frog!
The Greens would normally kill him, but because of his jumping skill they figure they'd better take him back to their chief. The Greens ride horse-like animals called Thoats – that also have an extra set of legs. Everything has extra legs or arms on Mars. This Green tribe inhabits a city deserted by the lost Martian race centuries ago. They have a guard dog-like thing make sure he doesn't escape, and have a female feed him. Carter learns Martian from the female – who is not like most of the other Greens, she was raised by her mother instead of hatching in an egg incubator and being raised by the tribe. She is *kind* to him. The other Green who Carter befriends is Tars Tarkas – a warrior who grows to respect Carter and thinks maybe they should not kill him.
When a few flying ships of Red Martians fly past, the Greens blast them out of the sky... and discover that one of the passengers is Red Martian Princess Dejah Thoris – who is ultra hot, and naked. The Martians do not believe in clothing. Let me tell you, to a 12 year old boy, this was great stuff! Hot naked women! The Frazetta book covers helped fuel the fantasies. Anyway, the rest of the novel has Carter rescue the Princess, lose her, get captured and fight in the gladiator ring against the prisoner who has become his best friend in the prison, discover the source of the Martian atmosphere – which is dying out... so all of the people on Mars will soon die, becomes best friends with Tars Tarkas, and has a lot of great amazing adventures. There are sword fights and climbing castle walls and great suspense scenes where Carter disguises himself as a Martian to infiltrate a fortress to try and save Dejah Thoris again. It's funny and heroic and exciting and romantic and non-stop fun.
One of the things I liked about it was how Burroughs creates vivid characters – though Tars Tarkas is one of the savage Green Martians, he's a a fully dimensional character rather than some 2-D cliché. He is revealed to be very different than his exterior would lead you to believe – there is a great backstory that exposes a secret past. Dejah Thoris is no damsel in distress, either – she can kick ass and in one big twist completely rejects Carter, killing any chance of romance... and the romance is the through-line!
The theme of the story is that being kind to your enemies gets you farther than killing them – and Carter starts by being kind to his Thoat (Green Martians beat them into submission), he makes friends with the vicious dog-thing they have guarding him, befriends Tars and the female Green Martian who feeds him, and spends a lot of time trying to get along with the Green Martians who want to kill him. Carter has to make friends with his enemies and fight his friends to the death! Lots of great drama.
The book is fast paced, the travelogue elements give you an amazing look at this alien world, and there is sword fighting and beautiful Princesses to rescue and some big emotional moments. I finished the first book and couldn't wait to read the second. The only reason why I stopped after three was to read Harry's new book.
I'm excited by the movie because it looks cool – though Dejah Thoris is wearing clothes. Willem Defoe voices Tars Tarkas – and the animation may be based on his body movement, I don't know – but that is *great* casting. Defoe is such a strange guy. I hope they don't screw it up, and I hope it's a hit so that they can do all of the books. When I was a kid, my favorite was CHESSMEN OF MARS... and soon I will find out if that one holds up, too.
Each of the Frazetta covers clicks to a free Kindle version of a Mars book on Amazon.
- Bill
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: Put A Donkey In It! - Every producer has a theory on what makes a hit film... and some of them are completely wrong.
Dinner: Dead Fish And Fried Chips.
Pages: Working on the Action Book revisons.
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